a-) The statements below show the characteristic of appropriate feedback.
I feel this situation tensed your nerves and that sometimes makes it hard for people to control their behaviors.
- I understand your feeling. Sometimes, when we are frustrated, it is a bit hard to speak calmly.
As a counsellor, it would be great to help in a peaceful atmosphere rather than a nervous environment.
These statements would be more suitable when the client is nervous and uses inappropriate words about the situation but in front of the counsellor. These statements aim to explain the disturbance caused by the clients without breaking their heart and blaming them. Therefore, the statements refer to behaviors and the situation rather than clients themselves. In addition, the statements exclude the word you! Because the client may feel ashamed of what they have done and the session could turn into an ego fight.
To say more, these sentences above are not tactless and the client would not be offended by these words. All of them are targeted to find solutions for the situation rather than to make the problem bigger. They could also be effective after the session. The clients would mind their behaviors and feelings more not to disturb any other people.
b-) The statements below are inappropriate examples for feedback during the counselling process.
Look at my eyes while you are speaking!
You are not acting properly, please be calm, you are so anxious.
Can you keep a bit of distance please?
These statements are not suitable during the counselling process. All of them address the person and aim to keep the priority of the counsellor`s authority. When the counsellor instructs or demands by using the word “you”, the client may feel pressured and these statements make the client find out what he has done wrong and how to fix it during the process. This may ruin the counselling progress.
The statements are told to make the client aware of what is not going well with the session and abnormalities in the behaviors of the clients rather than directing them to feel the disturbance of the counselor caused by their attitudes. This use of voice may lead the client to think to take sides against not satisfying the counsellor's personal demands.
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